Here we go again….

I wrote this in 2015, after being fired from a company where I helped create a concept that I believe could revolutionize data analysis. I’ve let it sit, unpublished for the last 6 years, partly out of fear that it would hurt my employment chances. Rediscovered it today when I logged in to start blogging again. Since then I’ve decided to work in a blue collar field, several of which I have employable experience. I think it has stood the test of time.

I am sitting here, nursing a vodka, wondering where in heck things went wrong.

Immediately after coming home from Afghanistan, I was snapped up by a contracting company that wanted me to write and speak about my experiences in Afghanistan.

They also wanted me to advocate for their product, which is a brilliant application of the Wiki- format, where all reports are swept into a message board, and then live humans categorize them into a wiki-based narrative. It’s simple but brilliant. Almost all data could be found and accessed within three clicks of a computer mouse, or with a keyword search.

No longer would analysts do deep dives and targeted research, with all the horrible and destructive biases that are involved in that. No more would decision-makers get only the echo chamber they’d created. I made good friends within the company, and even brought some of my most talented friends to the company to help create this wondrous thing.

But then, the owner hired a professional management team, which consisted of a porcine little man with a little mind, and an uninterrupted history of failure. And he brought all of his loser friends who were fundamentally unemployable.

These friends he initially hired for worker type jobs, but none of them did any “work”. Instead, they created new levels of management. New levels to the point where by the time there were 20 employees, there was 7 levels of management (to match the 7 levels of Hell, I’m sure), none of which were actually responsible for “work.”

Prior to this short, rotund little megalomaniac taking over, I was the “go to” guy, and gladly put in the hours, accomplishing every task put in front of me and even anticipating potential tasks and doing them before they were presented. Once this pocket tyrant took over, none of these horrible behaviors were tolerated. No more would “work” be rewarded; rather, the company went into 24/7 “huddle” mode, where nothing could be done due to death by meeting.

The rest of my friends either quit or were fired by these idiotic, do-nothing welfare recipients in ties. I, however, gutted it out. I put up with the stupid reindeer games; the masking of others’ inability to do work with continuous, incessant editing. Editing developed to prevent having to expose the fact that the other workers just could not get the core task done. I was driven to, and past, my breaking point, but I stuck it out. And I was rewarded with a “It’s just not going to work out”, and an attempt to be lighthearted by the owner. Note to self – if you’re ever going to fire a talented and loyal employee, who has given their heart and soul to your organization, don’t try to joke with them, after you’ve connived to justify their firing. Chances are they won’t take it well.

And now, the concept is dead. It is now yet another worthless government funded echo chamber for “important people” and a place for vacuous, ego-driven, dilettantish “analysts” to demonstrate how bright they are, and precious else.

The dream is gone. And I feel like someone has killed my baby.

Now… what to do next? I need to pay the bills, but I am no longer satisfied with just a paycheck. My butt-kissing budget to keep my job has been exhausted. I feel mentally raped. Yet surprisingly free.

Part of me wonders if those I am talking about will read this, and be enraged. Maybe they’ll give me a “gasp” BAD REFERENCE.

Personally, the further down the glass I get, the more curious I am at what will come next.

BTW, anyone need an adventurous, brave, loyal, intelligent, creative, hard working Don Quixote? I just happen to be available….

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Fundraising for Marefat School

Frances D’Souza’s children are holding a very ambitious fundraiser for Marefat School. For those of you who read my blog, Marefat school is the amazing school in western Kabul that has sprung from a community with zero government funds and provides a top notch education for deserving children in Afghanistan. I count the headmaster there, Aziz Royesh among my closet friends. If you don’t know who Aziz is, he recently was nominated as one of the top 10 teachers in the world. Please, if you can spare any funds at all, go and give, so these children have a chance at a high quality education.

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Women in the Military: Is Physical Size and Strength Really Necessary for Military Success?

At the current time, the US military establishment is busy studying how to incorporate women in Combat Arms Military Occupational Specialties (MOS) and the creation of physical standards to either justify or exclude them from those specialties. While the military appears to be studying the tasks and standards that will support those tasks, I do not think anyone is actually asking the real questions that should be asked. And that question that should be asked is this: Do these “standards” really help make the military more capable of fighting our nations’ wars and accomplishing missions in support of it’s political interest? What I intend to do is to rattle some cages about whether these “standards” are necessary, or even good. I also want to demonstrate that the US Military’s focus on size and strength is a “manufactured problem” and that women could be easily incorporated into Combat Military Occupational Specialties with some adjustment of philosophy.

Physical Standards

While the current fetish is on whether or not women can physically stand up to the rigors of war, perhaps it would be instructive to note some historical figures who would fail the current standards of fitness which are being touted as proof positive that women can or cannot serve in Combat MOSs.

Napoleon Bonaparte was a short, consumptive, out of shape individual, and if he were alive today, would be considered unsatisfactory to serve as a soldier in today’s US military. The fact that he invented the concept of mass armies and wars of national existence or whether he struck terror in the hearts of the western world would bear no weight using the current, or potentially future physical standards.

Horatio Nelson was another slight individual, who was limited to the use of only one arm and one eye that, despite not being able to do the minimum pull-ups in today’s Navy, only managed to completely annihilate every enemy fleet he faced, even after he was dead.

Audie Murphy failed even the lax WWII induction physical more than once. He somehow managed to finagle his way into the Army and then into a combat unit where he was relegated to rear echelon, more safe duties for one befitting his slight stature and lack of physical strength. And when he finally twisted enough arms to be allowed to serve on the front lines, all he did was to earn every U.S. military combat award for valor available from the U.S. Army and its allies.

One could also, quite daringly, actually bring up the cases of actual historic women who performed quite well on the battlefield. Women like Artemisia I, Xerxes’ naval commander who defeated the Greek navy. Or women like Joan of Arc, who awakened a moribund French army to inspire it to win battles. Or women like Boadicea, who threatened the mighty Roman. There is also the example of Marina Raskova, who was so effective against the German army in the USSR in WWII that she and her all-women regiment were singled out as the highest priority target by the Luftwaffe. Or the US’ own Margaret Corbin during the American Revolution, who served her gun faithfully to the end against the British, despite being severely wounded, and witnessing the death of her husband in the battle of Manhattan.

And that does not even mention the key role that women played as the sometimes chief advisor and de facto Chief of Staff to their military commander as they accompanied him on campaigns prior to the wide-scale adoption of General Staffs. (Since Officers were nobility and the noble women were expected to run extensive households and staffs, when women accompanied their husbands on campaign, the role of Chief of Staff came quite naturally.)

I think it is key to use myself as an example as well, here. I am a 51-year old man and exceptionally fit. I’ve served 32 years in Active Duty Army, Army National Guard and Army Reserves. I have 4.5 years deployed to a combat zone, most of which time I spent outside the wire, to include significant time conducting infantry-style operations with the Poppy Eradication Force in Helmand Province, Afghanistan. Prior to that, I served as an artilleryman, armor crewman, Cavalry Scout, Intelligence Officer and Instructor. I habitually earn a max score on the Army Physical Fitness Test and have instructed and developed physical fitness programs for a couple decades, now.

My dirty little secret: I am not physically qualified to serve in the US military. I have an untreated broken L5 vertebrate, which impinges on my Sciatic nerve, which I did not know about until after induction. I’ve had major leg trauma as a teenager, which I lied about during induction; I cannot throw a grenade, due to multiple shoulder injuries from my early life as a cowboy (being able to throw a grenade a specified distance is a requirement for entry into the US Army). I am absolutely and unequivocally unqualified to serve in our nation’s military. Despite this, I have effectively closed with and destroyed our nation’s enemies with direct fire; I have commanded three companies and two battalions. I have professionally mentored subordinates that have netted nine company commanders, three battalion commanders and one Brigade Commander. I have successfully conducted direct operations at great risk to myself under extremely difficult conditions, the majority of which happened in my mid-40s.

My point in mentioning all of the above is to demonstrate, logically that the physical “standards” are largely crap. We, stupidly, as a military, recruit for the physical and then attempt to train for the mental, which is illogical and counter to what matters most for mission accomplishment. And restricting women’s participation in the US military because of theoretical and largely ego-driven and male focused physical requirements is counterproductive to military readiness.

Personalizing the Issue Further

I grew up in a small farming community in Northwest Iowa, where men and women often work together; families would often include women in the more physical tasks. I’m used to working around physically capable females, so I was delighted when a fellow northwest Iowa farm girl became available for service in Afghanistan with me. At the time I was operating a small team of direct intelligence gatherers in a military contract, so I was able to circumvent the ordinary military regulations excluding women from direct combat roles. Despite not having any military experience, this willowy, 6 foot 116 pound 23-year-old female proved to be a tough, resilient partner. In addition, her gender allowed her access to the half of the population that was normally out of bounds. I knew this young lady and her family, and knew she was entirely capable of running a shovel all day, so her gender was not even a consideration when it came to the physical demands of combat operations.

After working with this young lady and attaining remarkable success in our role as intelligence gatherers, I quickly gained the reputation of “the guy who could work with females” which led to a succession of female work partners. These females were chosen on the grounds of their intellect, their drive and their ability to communicate, in that order, and proved to be operationally excellent and physically resilient. All were in adequate to superb physical condition, to the point to where they pushed me during extremely challenging day-to-day operations as well as in physical training whenever we had the time to work out.

More importantly, our intelligence gathering efforts were exceptionally effective and productive, with both qualitative and quantitatively superior results in excess of units 10 times our size that shared our battlespace.

Strength and Size

When in discussions with military people, the political entities that administer the military, and military “experts”, one is led to believe that the primary source of military excellence and professionalism is physical strength and size. Our soldiers are asked to carry an immensely heavy load during infantry combat; with most references for so-called “light” infantry being around 120 pounds. The US Army is an Army that, despite having an abundance of protected and unprotected transport, both ground and air, makes a fetish of how much weight its infantry routinely carries into combat. But does the ability to carry immense amounts of weight convert to military prowess? Let us examine some of military forces that have proven historic excellence to test that hypothesis.

First lets look at the military that defeated the US military from 1965 to 1972: The Viet Cong and then the North Vietnamese Army consisted of soldiers which averaged 5’2” 110 pounds – These soldiers made epic, strategic foot movements, carrying only a rifle, ammunition, water, food and a tarpaulin for sleep and weather protection. They were smaller and physically weaker than a current day US Army female soldier. However, the North Vietnamese Army focused on the things that matter. You see, despite their relative lack of motor transport, the North Vietnamese were not so stupid as to load down their valuable infantry with gear, nor did they restrict their combat abilities with heavy body armor.

Before and during World War II, no rational person would claim that the Japanese Army was not capable of successful combat operations. Despite being virtually unsupported, logistically, and being thrown away in meaningless ways by their combat leaders, all their opponents universally feared the Japanese soldier. And they accomplished ferocious reputation while measuring on average only 5’3” and weighing in at 120 pounds.

Both the Army of Northern Virginia and the Army of the Potomac were packed with physically unfit individuals, who probably couldn’t pass the pushups and the sit-up events of today’s Army PFT.

The Roman Army was probably close to 5’ 3” tall on average, except some of the barbarian auxiliaries. It’s interesting to note that relatively small yet well trained Roman units defeated Celts that not only outnumbered them, but were physically larger, averaging 5’8”-5’10” in height.

And what about the “big, beefy American troops? The average Marine in WWII was 5’7” and 140-150 pounds. When I was an APMS at Illinois State University, our average female (we had a large proportion of female track athletes) was 5’7” and 140 pounds. And all of the physically fit ones were capable of carrying a rifle, pack and basic supplies for long distances. In my experience, a fit military female is superior at actual, versus theoretical military tasks than a typical non-fit military male.

In practical terms, there are only a few militarily relevant physical fitness tasks that we should be focusing on. These include the ability to carry a rifle, wear a rucksack with minimum necessary supplies, the ability to walk long distances and sprint short distances and the ability to get over an obstacle.

While there is the potential for activity such as loading an artillery or tank shell, as well as the oft-repeated “carrying a 270 pound man to safety” that is considered to be the pinnacle of military capability, the problem with testing these things to be the “end-all, be-all” for determining female participation in Combat Arms, is that they are tasks that prove to be rare, and sometime apocryphal in nature. While extremely rarely all crew members may be required to load an artillery or tank shell under unusual conditions, only the lowest ranking crew are required to do this action, and then only for a short time during their first enlistment (unless they are a “dud” who lacks aptitude or drive for any other task.) I was both a tank and artillery crewman, and not only do soldiers do loader duties only for a short while, professionally, there are certain “cheats” for small stature/low strength individuals to accomplish these tasks. While no sane person would assign a small stature/low strength individual to load a gun for a prolonged period of time, it can be done efficiently and quickly with practice. By the way, tank crews routinely reassign crewmen based on talent/aptitude, and small low ranking soldiers tend to start out as a driver, which is a low strength position, and large low ranking soldiers start out as a loader. Many maintenance tasks require physical strength, but again, except on the unit commander’s tank, smaller-framed crewmen can use skill in lieu of strength, and crews are routinely configured to account for lower strength individuals now.

The Institutional Cowardice of Body Armor

While we are addressing the loads of our soldiers, let’s discuss the 40-50 pounds of body armor our soldiers wear. This armor in and of itself is debilitating and reduces combat efficiency, even among physically strong and large individuals. While body armor has some utility in protection of life and the reduction of wounding effects, the current philosophy has resulted in body armor designed to attempt to prevent any and all wounds. It has also become a mandatory wear item, which reflects an illogical risk aversion in military terms. This armor is ill fitting, reduces mobility to the point of becoming a threat to mission accomplishment and produces stress injuries. When you consider the fact that the armor is not designed for a female frame, perhaps we should stop claiming females should not participate in combat tasks because they cannot carry it, and start examining why our Military leadership has bought into such ridiculous and risk averse design and wear policy, regardless of if it make sense or not.

What’s Really Behind the Physical Requirements Issue:

When one comes down to it, the focus on size and strength can be distilled down an adolescent argument about women “hacking it” and “pulling their fair share.” And if we are going to base our military staffing decisions on “fairness”, why not extend that to intelligence? What if we applied standards on a soldiers’ ability to think with the same rigor as the physical standards? Anyone who’s been in the military for more than a day or two can quite easily determine that native intelligence is not maximized or even desired. I would submit that military service, especially combat arms are much more intellectually demanding than popular sentiment gives it credit for.

Provided that the US military can get over its adolescent fixation of female soldiers being able to “carry their fair share” of weight, and the blatantly misogynistic way women are treated in the military “fraternity”, there are some relatively simple solutions to integrating women into Combat Arms.

Some easy fixes:


Despite my assertions that physical size and strength are not the key element in military endeavors, physical fitness IS extremely important. Female trainees entering the military in a combat role will need additional fitness training during their initial training, and throughout their service compared to their male counterparts, in order to ensure they are able to maximize the performance of their admittedly smaller frames, which will help them in keeping up physically with the male counterparts, because in the process of integration, they will need to keep up to gain respect.


Our young women in uniform will also have special nutrition requirements. While young men are capable of converting immense amounts of fried foods and sugar into muscle mass and energy without injury or affecting fitness for a time, women’s metabolisms have a lower tolerance of a poor diet then men’s. And to be fair, it wouldn’t hurt male soldiers to have a healthier diet as well. Military dining facilities are infamous for their low quality and large quantities of food. Military DFACs serve mainly fried foods, and most have only token healthy choice items, which are almost always prepared badly or are of low quality.

Developing Female Specific Gear

Despite a booming civilian female clothing and accessory industry in the US, the military finds it “a bridge too far” to make even token efforts to procure and produce equipment designed for female frames. Female boots are just scaled down versions of male boots, with improper flex points, support and fit, which leads to less performance and stress injuries. Female clothing and boots need to fit them, and not just be a sized-down version of male designs.

Despite the typical female frame being a more efficient load carrier than a male frame, nonsensically, military load carrying equipment is designed for the less capable male frame. Load carrying equipment that distributed loads more toward the hips and less toward the shoulders would make the woman’s ability to keep up with her male counterparts more likely. Oddly enough, the old style LCE did a better job of this, despite the effort put in to “improving” the new stuff.

Compromising on Body Armor

While I mentioned the inappropriate design and completely inflexible use of body armor, adapting body armor to a female frame would be much simpler if the body armor was made of better, lightweight materials, instead of massive, relatively low-tech Kevlar plates. Existing armor already exists that weighs just a few pounds and is designed for women. And that body armor needs to compromise on its protection ability of both female AND male frames, with the eye to ONLY protecting the truly critical areas, such as the thoracic cavity and cranium, in as minimal way possible. Complete safety through body armor is neither possible nor desirable. Only the minimum body armor consistent with mission accomplishment should be permitted. This is the single most important thing our military can do to not only integrate females into combat occupations, but also for the overall ability of the military at large to accomplish missions.

Rethinking the Load

In fact, the inclusion of females would be a great excuse for the military to rethink the load it puts on its soldiers. Despite an embarrassment of transport, and several systems designed to take the load off the US infantry, leaders continue to fetish the load our infantry carries. Except for some special missions, leaders could reduce the load by maximizing the use of transport, or even resorting to the time-proven use of bearers and caching materials, a technique that is still in Infantry manuals.

Without addressing any other aspect of female integration, it is provably false, through the use of historical examples and simple logic, that size and strength are sole or even primary criteria for military excellence. While fitness plays a role in military performance, both historic figures and entire military units have succeeded with small-framed, relatively physically weak soldiers. Our military would be better and more successful if they focused more on recruiting for intelligence and drive and training for fitness than vice versa.

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Aziz Royesh Named Finalist to Global Teacher of the Year

As many of you may already know, I’ve been a big fan of Marefat High School in Dashti Barchi, Kabul, for several years now. I spent much of my early blogs singing praises of that school, and its headmaster, Aziz Royesh.

There’s more, but that is a sampling.

Seems I’m not the only one who has taken notice. My good friend Aziz Royesh is being recognized for the amazing work he, his supporters, and his talented staff and intelligent students have been doing. He has been nominated and has been named one of ten finalists for the Global Teacher of the Year. The winner will be named March 16, and I look forward and hope he wins.

Trust me when I say he is an amazing man, and a wonderful teacher. I know he has taught me a lot, in my time there.


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Star of “The Buzkashi Boys” Goes To School

Picture courtesy of Fawad Mohammadi's Facebook page

If this were actually Hollywood, Fawad Mohammadi, the accidental star of “The Buzkashi Boys” would be living in some not quite mansion in an idyllic suburb of some generic “nice place” in America and “gets the girl” who is some astonishingly attractive (yet underplayed to be not quite as hot as she is) chaste woman. And he would be living by a not quite detectable means that would inexplicably earn him an upper middle class income.

Enough of Hollywood fantasy, though. This is reality. And the reality is, Fawad Mohammadi, the street kid from Kabul is actually quite brilliant, but still has to work hard to not only get into the Turkish American High School in Kabul, the place he CHOOSES to get his education, but he is managing to not only get top marks in school, but proudly posts them to his friends on FaceBook.

While Fawad was nominated for an Academy Award in 2013, the film didn’t quite win. Hollywood briefly, and in my eyes, not very sincerely, flirted with him. (Now THERE’S a shocker for you!)

Fawad Mohammadi was offered the opportunity to come to the West and get his education there, but he decided to stay in Afghanistan instead. By all accounts, he is a hard working young man who is quite brilliant. He is also very religious, an aspect of him that I admire.

He always wanted to be an airplane pilot, and I hope he gets the chance to be one. Both my wife and I have been involved in aviation at times in our lives and it is a fun, rewarding pursuit.

Fawad Mohammadi is the hope and future of Afghanistan. As the rest of the world appears to burn in radicalism and people willing to kill to make their political point, I wish peace upon those who are strong and smart enough to make it.

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More Archeological Large Scale Theft

In prior posts, I’ve talked about the problems of antiquities and the sale of antiquities in war zones. The good folks over at the Wall Street Journal have written an excellent piece on what a “no win” situation this can be.

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Finished With Engines, Shore Leave For All Hands


So, as you can see by my photo above, my hare-brained, hair-raising adventure to the Southwest United States is over and largely successful. Marjan the Series 80 Land Cruiser is safely ensconced in the garage, and I’m already working off issues caused by 19 years of on-again, off-again maintenance

The last phase of my journey, after being rescued by the great people in Mesa, was extremely anti-climactic. I left in the afternoon and made it to Lordsburg, New Mexico. Completely ironically, I stayed in the exact same hotel where a co-worker and I stayed back in 2012, while we were conducting cultural training to a SEAL team prior to going overseas. As part of our time here, I picked and ate a prickly pear. It tasted so good, I convinced her to eat some as well.



The pain subsequent to this was intense and nearly unbearable. Prickly pear thorns are completely un-noticeable going in, but while they are under the skin, it’s awful. I’m pretty sure she forgave me almost immediately, as we are still friends. I still haven’t forgiven myself, though.

The high point of Lordsburg is Ramona’s Cafe. A cafe that is literally in a junkyard and home to the best Mexican food I’ve ever eaten.




The flavors in this food are amazing and completely suck me in. I admit to being indifferent to Mexican food before this. Since that time I’ve made an effort to become more acquainted with the style.

Leaving Lordsburg, my suspension started making bad noises again, and Marjan developed a shimmy. My heart sunk to my feet and I pulled over. I looked everything over, didn’t see anything wrong and started moving again, and it started AGAIN! Frustrated, I pulled off the interstate onto a dirt road beside it, and magically, the noise and shaking stopped. Note to self: if your Land Cruiser ever starts to make a funny sound/vibration in the suspension, make sure to check if you’re driving in New Mexico, because if you are, it’s probably New Mexico roads, not your Land Cruiser.

The sun came up as I crossed the Texas border in the most spectacular way. I’d picked up a Janis Joplin CD the night before, and she started singing about “Me and Bobby McGee” as this came into view:


I pulled over onto another dirt road shortly after that in order to take a break and get a picture in this fantastic light.


Of course, I was there for about 30 seconds before being surrounded by Border Patrol agents. Here I was, near the Mexican border, in a multi-passenger All Wheel Drive vehicle, by myself during the early dawn. After a short conversation, I decided maybe I needed to get moving.

I picked up my sister in Iowa Park, Texas, and after a quick rest, we drove the remaining distance.


Kansas is one of the most beautiful states to drive through. Breathtaking.

Upon reflection, I realize everything I got from this trip.

I met some amazing people, tied together by their hobby of off-roading Toyota Land Cruisers, and their desire to help others.

I was reunited with a friend, who I had alienated before. As I mentioned briefly, immediately after we had fought, I went into a downward spiral of depression and self-imposed solitude, that took my mind directly to darkness and despair. Meeting her again has reignited my desire to become part of the outside world again.

My friend introduced me to CrossFit. I thought I knew about it earlier, and kind of made fun of CrossFitters when it seemed funny. But during a trip to a couple CrossFit gyms, the coaches there identified that the IT bands in my legs were frozen; a condition that has partially crippled me since I was 6 years old. In only three sessions, they helped me release those muscles, and my legs seem to be straightened, almost overnight. Truth be told, I’d adapted to this deformation, and they now hurt more than ever, but I have full range of motion for the first time in over 45 years.

I’m going to stop there about my disability. I have concealed it for a long time. I hadn’t mentioned it before, and I plan on writing it as one of my next blog entries.

And in the end, I now have the coolest car in the world in my garage. When I was first crippled, I spent all my time reading, especially National Geographic magazine. And ever since I could remember, I wanted a Toyota Land Cruiser, because all of my childhood heroes drove one. When I was issued one in Afghanistan, I was over the moon.

And now I have Marjan.

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What “Good Guys” Look Like

I debated for awhile about making a technical, jargony post about how Marjan was fixed since my last entry, but I’ve changed my mind; This blog post is not about how to fix a Land Cruiser, but about what “Good Guys” look like.

In movies, the Good Guy once wore a white hat, shining armor, or possibly a badge or a fedora. As our tastes become more “sophisticated” the Good Guy is often an anti-hero who is dark and brooding, and possibly felonious. Or maybe our society has become too jaded to even acknowledge/admit that there is such a thing as simplistic as a “Good Guy”.

I’d like to sound off right now and say that’s absolute bullshit.

I know some Good Guys. The Good Guys pull your butt out of depression and help you live life again without becoming a hermit, for instance.


And some Good Guys will open up their shops, tie up their single maintenance bay for four days, work over the weekend, and charge you a pittance for their own parts in order to make sure you will get back on the road. And in the process they will tutor you in a new vehicle to maximize your safety, success and enjoyment. And obtw, all their cool friends will drop in to meet you, tell stories and to lend a hand.

Finishing touches
Kevin and John, busting their butts as I watch on and learn

red donor
“Rosy daDonor”, who sacrificed her front axle assembly so Marjan can live

The new axle assembly
The new axle assembly, looking smart

Yote heaven
All the cool kids showed up in Land Cruisers. Thanks to IH8MUD!

New axle going in
New axle going in

Needless to say, I am humbled at how they all took me in, an uninformed stranger, and went way above and beyond to fix my problem, and then showed me true friendship in the process. Marjan is now one happy Land Cruiser, and my journey goes on.

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Ethics, Competence and the Art of Land Cruiser Maintenance

On the way from SD

As I described in my last piece, Marjan the Toyota Land Cruiser started making horrible noises while climbing the Coronado Bridge.

coronado bridge

For anyone who doesn’t know this bridge, it’s a horrific place to break down. Over 200 feet tall and 4 km long, with very little place to pull over in a break down. So I gritted my teeth and drove through the Armageddon noises coming from the front of the car.

So, we pulled over and waited for AAA to arrive. The AAA driver offered to take me to a friend’s garage, but it was 8 miles away from our hotel and we declined. We decided to go to “Griffin’s Auto Repair” which is located in Little Italy, mere blocks away from where we were staying.

Our mistake.

I am usually the first guy to give businesses second chances and understand that people, even mechanics, make mistakes sometime. But what happened next passes from “mistake” to “criminal negligence” and may even constitute “fraud”.

First of all, the problem with Marjan was a Birfield Joint that exploded. While I’m tempted to get all “science-y” about it, you can Google it if you’d like. Basically Birfield Joints make it so Land Cruisers can both drive and steer with the front wheels as well as the back.

A Birfield joint usually costs about $700 in parts and $300-$500 in labor and 3-5 hours of time to replace. Griffin’s Auto Repair charged me $2400 for the job and took three days to do it.

I understand high property values, customers who are “stuck” and why some mechanics may charge a premium. And I would’ve gladly paid it to escape San Diego with a sound car. But 300 miles out of San Diego, Marjan gave up the ghost again. AAA again came to the rescue, and towed me to Chandler, Arizona, where I have friends and family I can stay with.

This was late Friday night, so Saturday morning I desperately started looking for a shop that was open. The Super Bowl is in Phoenix this weekend, for the few that were open were full of cars.

Kevin's Shop
Kevin’s Shop – Real Land Cruiser territory!

So, then, just when it looked darkest, the internet came to my rescue. A terrific group of Land Cruiser enthusiasts on an forum called IH8Mud responded to my plaintive calls for help and hooked me up with a wonderful pair of gentlemen, Kevin and John, who are also known as “Tools R Us” and “inkpot” on the forum. These guys gave up their Saturday to tear the botched repair job apart, and not only fixed it, but documented the negligence of the Griffin’s Auto Repair shop and taught me what “right” looked like.

The first thing we found was that many bolts were too small, and were merely put into the holes to make it look like there was a bolt in it. They came right out by pulling them.

Of course, some bolts were just missing completely and one was broken off inside the assembly.

Griffins work1

The above picture shows broken off/missing stud. One of four that holds the front wheel on the car.

Griffins work_2
The above picture shows the part Griffin’s replaced. He charged me $1400, which is roughly twice the retail price of a premium part; what it is is a cheap, Chinese knockoff that I could buy on ebay for $200. This is also supposed to be full of grease. The only grease in it is the small, toothpaste sized dab you see near the hole in the hub. He charged me $32 for that dab of grease, which is apparently accidently placed there, since it doesn’t actually affect the joint. The bronze looking bit was supposed to be driven into the spindle. You’ll notice it’s just sitting there, since it was too small for the spindle.

Griffins work_5
This piece is supposed to be perfectly smooth. It’s not smooth because the “mechanic” at Griffin’s put it in a metal vice and destroyed it while working on it. The marks are 1/8″ deep and it destroyed the seal behind it while I drove it.

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Here’s the “new” bronze bushing, all torn up from being run dry and not being installed correctly. We ended up epoxying into the spindle just to get it going.

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My next step was to dispute the charge on my credit card. After that, I shared a depressive Chianti and pizza with Janiece and then sat in the hot tub until it was all better.

Monday I’ll have Kevin and John check it out again, and order more parts so hopefully I can get heading back to Iowa by mid-week. I’d ask you to wish me luck, but after these guys help me out I doubt I’ll need luck. I’ll have a competent Land Cruiser, maintained correctly, instead.

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The Road to San Diego… And Bust

San Diego

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After a week of working in Phoenix and shaking down the Land Cruiser for reliability, we were ready to head to San Diego. Just like in Afghanistan, I was wheel man and my work partner was on line. When we were in Kabul or other major city, we’d use commercial “dongles” which would pick up the 3G that was somewhat available there. Outside of cities, I had a portable satellite dish that looked like a small brief case, but opened up to provide pretty solid connectivity.

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Our first stop was some unnamed garden spot, which frankly, kind of spooked both of us. Some homeless guy was walking across the Arizona desert and arrived about the time I was walking back to the truck. There was a half consumed bottle of orange soda sitting on the ground in front of the run down gas station, which he took a hit on before heading into the gas station. The smell of him was a physical thing as I passed him. I recorded Janiece’s reaction to his appearance.

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Our next stop was for fuel. A word about Toyota Land Cruisers; They are not designed for fuel economy. We got the advertised 14 mpg or possibly better on the trip, but it is what it is. At the fuel stop, we saw one of the many Mexican restaurants you see in the Southwest, and it was amazing.

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I used to manage restaurants. I was completely impressed by the fresh ingredients and the excellent preparation of our meal. The only prior prepared item in our meals was the refried beans. And we shared a date shake which knocked both of our socks off.

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The trip from Phoenix to San Diego covers about every type of landscape possible. From scrub to desert, to verdant fields of fresh fruit and vegetables.

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I was really worried about crossing the Mojave, but it was cold and rainy the whole way.

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The pass immediately before entering the San Diego Valley is not of anything earthly. It’s reminiscent of pictures sent back from Mars, frankly.

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After the required 5 hours or so, we finally arrived in San Diego. The hotel is in the “Little Italy” portion of downtown, just off the waterfront. Funny thing; just diagonal from the hotel was a tall office building surrounding a house that looked uncannily like the little house from the movie “Up!”.

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Once we’d finished some work, we headed out to Coronado Beach for some sun, and unfortunately, a small disaster. Just as we drove over the towering Coronado bridge, all hell broke loose from our front end. We parked the car and called a mechanic. Turns out we’d broken something called a “Birfeld Joint”. That’s the thing that makes a Land Cruiser a Land Cruiser and not some other lesser form of Trek vehicle. Basically it’s a ball with gears inside it in the front axle which allows the front wheels to both steer and have power.

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It’s good that we found the problem near the hotel, but bad in that getting a competent mechanic in a large city tends to be an expensive affair. We are now stuck here for an additional day, but there is lots of work to do, and San Diego is a pleasant place to do it.

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